Trash the Hymn
Parodizing your favorite hymns since 1998
Here are the FIRST FIVE! Plenty more to come!
OF OUR RELATIVES (Faith of Our
1. Faith of
our uncles, aunties too, each / Christmas and Easter they
come find a pew
Faith of our relatives, lukewarm faith / We might just improve this song to death
2. Faith of
our cousins and cousinettes / They haven't seen a Sunday
Faith of our relatives, lightweight faith / We might just improve this song to death
3. Faith of
our in-laws, why, only last June / They headed for Sunday
mass, at noon
Faith of our relatives, marginal faith / We just improved this song to death
REFRAIN: Whatsoever you do to the least of the others, Don't you do it to me.
1. When I was hungry, you gave me a taco / When I was thirsty, you gave me a beer.
(end of each verse): Now enter into the insane asylum. (repeat refrain)
2. When I was homeless, your dog took me home. / When I was naked, you gave me a toga.
3. When I was weary, you helped me find work. / When I was anxious, you told me to chill.
4. When I was little, you potty-trained me. / When I was lonely, you gave me a dog.
5. When in a prison, you got me paroled. / When on a sickbed, you gave me TV.
6. In a strange alley, I learned to survive. / Seeking employment, the position was filled.
7. Hurt in a street fight, you gave me a gun. / Searching for rescue, you got me the cops.
8. When I was pitbull, or monkey, or cat, / Rabid and dangerous, I bit your leg.
9. When I got old, you put me in a home / Where there was bingo, line-dancing, and cards.
10.You saw the chalklines of me on the street. / In a split second, you knew it was me.
11.When I was laughing at what I once did, / Fifty years back, you still thought I was sick.
broken, like the first morning. / Snowbird has spoken,
stuck in old time.
rain's new fall, not just the old one.
Mine is the
sunlight, theirs is the snowbird, / Right wing as they
come, left wing is clipped.
GOD, THE BIRD'S STUCK IN THE PAST (O
God, Our Help in Ages Past)
O God, the
bird's stuck in the past, / Like twenty-six years back.
Oh God, I
just can't play those or-gan pedals, though I try;
heard pipe organ used / for "We Are Called" or
Oh God, your
help has made pia-no my best axe, by far;
organ's my forte, / It doesn't hurt to try
I like it
full, I love it loud, / Some brass and timpani,
O God, help
them break from the past, / And look toward years to
GREAT THE GAS (How Great Thou Art)
1. O Lord My
God, I made an awesome blunder.
2. Then on my
way, to chat with the monsignor,
3. And when I
find the pastor not much caring,
some snack, some pretzels or some beer nuts,
5. And when
this gig, next year, is finally over,
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